Narcissists are Monsters……

Narcissists only appear charming; their charm mask is a collection on stolen identities that are rehearsed and recycled behaviours and lines they steal from other people. 

They are no more than actors playing a role, the role could be a charming prince, saviour, or a victim.  They watch potential victims with the vigilance of a predator. 

They are addicts in pursuit of significance, they are relentless craving for attention makes them seek constant validation, they feed off everyone they encounter, they live for supply. 

Like addicts their insatiable need for acknowledgement means they will go to great lengths to obtain their supply, even if it means inflicting harm and total disregard for the wellbeing of others. 

They will never acknowledge their condition, there is an alarming absence of recognition regarding their flaws. 

Narcissism is not an illness, it is a personality disorder, some say it comes from lack of love and attention during early childhood whilst others say its from excessive validation, praise, and overvaluation during early childhood and not mistreatment that causes narcissistic traits.

Narcissists are dangerous

  • They destroy the victim’s identity, self-worth, and confidence.  The abuse can be a total annihilation of everything a person has ever known.
  • Gaslighting, projection, cognitive dissonance, lack of empathy, false promises and eroded boundaries will drive you to think you are crazy, that is their plan. YOUR NOT CRAZY!!!!
  • Narcissists are true parasites, they literally feed off other humans.
  • They lack remorse or guilt and leave a trail of destruction.
  • They actually take pleasure in their victim’s pain; it gives them a sense of power and control.
  • They are emotional shape shifters, chameleons, they shift between different identities to get what they want and needs met.  Their behaviour is not an accident.
  • They do not rage in public, it’s always behind closed doors.

Narcissists are very deceptive, if they are caught lying, they gaslight to distort the realty.  Gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation in which a narcissist tries to make the other person doubt their own perception of reality, this can involve that certain events or conversations didn’t occur or insisting that the other person is over reacting or being irrational.

What does Gaslighting sound like

  • “You need help.”
  • “You are so emotional.”
  • “I never said that, I never did that.”
  • “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
  • “Your always twisting things around.”
  • “Don’t get upset over nothing.”
  • “Its not a big deal.”
  • “That was two weeks ago.”
  • “It was only a joke.”
  • “You sound crazy.”

They may use criticism and insults to tear down the self-esteem of those close to them, particularly if they feel threatened by other persons accomplishments or independence. 

Triangulation is when a narcissist involves a third party to create a drama or attention, they use this tactic to punish, this tactic may be used when someone is not giving them enough admiration or attention.

They will make you feel like you are walking on egg shells.  There is never any healthy conflict resolution, they thrive on drama, they get pleasure from making your life hell.  Narcissists will always cheat if whatever is done gives them some kind of supply.  They never accept responsibility for anything, they are the most entitled people with a thirst for control.

The reason narcissists want you to let go of things is because parts of the incident holds valuable information about their patterns.  Becoming aware of this information could ground you in the reality of their abuse.  They gaslight you by framing your discontent of their patterns as a flaw or inability to forgive within you.  They are not the judge and jury of how you process their mistreatment or harm.  Cognitive dissonance, trying to reconcile two completely different versions of who they are.  The idealised image of your soulmate, the illusion created to exploit you, verses the evil image which has begun to appear through the cracks in their mask. 

Signs you may suffer from Narcissistic abuse

  • Constantly on high alert.
  • Feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.
  • Lost – who are you?
  • State of confusion, life is overwhelming.
  • Suffering from depression and anxiety.
  • Brain fog.
  • You also suffer physical symptoms.

When you finally get to the point of setting boundaries, this is when the abuse really intensifies.  This is where you have reached a point where you can no longer give anymore, you are aware of the consequences, the mask is falling off and you are about to see the true monster. 

You have now become a witness to the manipulation, constant deceit, and emotional abuse you have endured, you gain tremendous clarity about the true nature of the beast you once thought was your soul mate. 

Your mere existence poses a risk to the narcissist’s façade, the narcissist knows that you have been a witness on many occasions to their true nature without their public mask on.  There are acutely aware that you could destroy their public persona, their fake façade that others see. 

Their exaggerated sense of self importance and grand need for admiration will automatically make them defensive and most likely start a smear campaign against you.  This is where they start to gather their flying monkey’s and begin telling anyone who will listen that your crazy and abusive.  Flying monkeys are the people around them who believe everything the narcissist is saying, they may also shun the true victim, YOU. 

Unlike an addict, narcissists remain steadfast in their conviction that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour.  The pursuit of supply takes precedence, they are unyielding in their desire for validation and are blinded by their own distorted self-perception, it is a relentless quest of self-gratification at any cost, they are terminally insane! 

Anything you say or do will be held against you, the person you once loved and trusted has done and said horrible things to you, unthinkable things you have never told anyone about.  Now that you have unmasked the monster/predator, you are at great risk as their behaviour will intensify tenfold. 

This is when you truly start to feel the effects of the trauma bond that has been created during this relationship.  The trauma bond is the most difficult part of the healing process.  Some liken a trauma bond more difficult to recover from than a heroin addiction.  Here are a few ways to start the healing process, they may sound simple, there is no such thing as simple when it comes to dealing with a narcissist and a trauma bond;

  • LOW contact or NO contact.  I only say low contact because if children are involved it makes it difficult to go no contact.  The narcissist will not let go easily.
  • If there is contact do not offer any personal information, keep the conversations as brief as possible.
  • Block them on all forms of social media, they know longer have the right to know anything about your life.  Change any passwords they may have had access to.
  • Live your best life, especially if you see any of the flying monkeys, make sure they see you happy and free.
  • Be the successful person you could not be with them in your life, The narcissist will absolutely hate to see you succeed, they want you to suffer.
  • Seek external help, speak to a therapist who works with trauma, trauma bonds and narcissistic abuse. 
  • You are now on your way to being a SURVIVOR!!!!!

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